;LAIDSHL;GKHADLKFJ;ALHLDAJFKL

Yes... a;lsdhfkladhgkl;dja;flk that pretty much describes my feelings!!! I wish I could put them into words but... I've been thinking and thinking about how to and really... my thoughts are even more messed up and mushed than that is. But. I feel like I at least try to make sense.... so here I go!! Sorry if it's a mess :/ So pretty much for the first time Randy's been out.. I haven't gotten a letter in about a Month. Rough. life. Like... just when I think my communication with him has gotten down to the smallest amount and I have been as strong as I possibly could be... it gets smaller. and it gets harder.
I was thinking about it today and I realized that Randy and I never have ever had super communication abilities haha like they have always gotten smaller... sweeter and more incredible... but smaller.. I mean for crying out loud we started off with being 500 miles away from each other haha then we only had texting and calling, but as much as we'd like! Then my parents made it so I could only talk to him for an hour once a week and I couldn't text him after 11:00... and as we got closer and closer we had more precautions, which was okay! We adjusted and we did it together :) It was okay! Well...once it got closer to his mission his parents didn't want him to skype that often or be on the computer... and then he left! Texting and Calling absolutely gone... but I was prepared for just letters. so again.. that was alright. Hard, but I was prepared for it. At first I was actually really spoiled too! I got lots of letters, a package, a few of his things, a tape after a few weeks... I got letters every week and emails that he sent to his family every week too! Life was awesome :) Well... then he got transferred. I got one letter which actually wasn't quite everything... It was a little confusing haha but it was a letter!! and then ever since I've kinda just... been holding this hope that it'll come. That a letter is coming... and I'll get to hear from him! I've been getting stronger knowing that I can still love him and still trust him with everything in me even though I haven't heard from him in a month... but I do still get his family emails! So... ah...Long story, Confusing story is that... His Mom texted me today saying that he responded to my question earlier if he had been sending them to my new address or not.. anyway and He said that he hasn't had time to write to me at all. It's so busy and crazy up there that... he hasn't been able to write any hand written letters! And honestly... My emotions went... ah;sdilhgiladjg;lkdhg haha because.. first off my hope for a letter coming any day went out the window. I was devastated that I had held onto this hope for a whole month and then.. just had to let it go. But... I also was relieved to know that there was a reason. and now I COULD let my hope go and instead of expecting a letter every day, when I do get one.. it'll be a marvelous surprise :) Is it hard? It's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. Like I said, I thought I was down at my hardest point, but then the world just showed that it can get harder. but what it's really shown me is that.. even though I won't get a letter while he's up there at all.. so it could be many many months... I'm still waiting for him. I still care... my love is deeper than a few weeks without letters.
So I think what I will do... is throw myself a pity part tonight.. then get over it. be strong. and continue to wait, cause what else would an MG do? We're strong and we wait for our men :)