;LAIDSHL;GKHADLKFJ;ALHLDAJFKL

Yes... a;lsdhfkladhgkl;dja;flk that pretty much describes my feelings!!! I wish I could put them into words but... I've been thinking and thinking about how to and really... my thoughts are even more messed up and mushed than that is. But. I feel like I at least try to make sense.... so here I go!! Sorry if it's a mess :/ So pretty much for the first time Randy's been out.. I haven't gotten a letter in about a Month. Rough. life. Like... just when I think my communication with him has gotten down to the smallest amount and I have been as strong as I possibly could be... it gets smaller. and it gets harder.
I was thinking about it today and I realized that Randy and I never have ever had super communication abilities haha like they have always gotten smaller... sweeter and more incredible... but smaller.. I mean for crying out loud we started off with being 500 miles away from each other haha then we only had texting and calling, but as much as we'd like! Then my parents made it so I could only talk to him for an hour once a week and I couldn't text him after 11:00... and as we got closer and closer we had more precautions, which was okay! We adjusted and we did it together :) It was okay! Well...once it got closer to his mission his parents didn't want him to skype that often or be on the computer... and then he left! Texting and Calling absolutely gone... but I was prepared for just letters. so again.. that was alright. Hard, but I was prepared for it. At first I was actually really spoiled too! I got lots of letters, a package, a few of his things, a tape after a few weeks... I got letters every week and emails that he sent to his family every week too! Life was awesome :) Well... then he got transferred. I got one letter which actually wasn't quite everything... It was a little confusing haha but it was a letter!! and then ever since I've kinda just... been holding this hope that it'll come. That a letter is coming... and I'll get to hear from him! I've been getting stronger knowing that I can still love him and still trust him with everything in me even though I haven't heard from him in a month... but I do still get his family emails! So... ah...Long story, Confusing story is that... His Mom texted me today saying that he responded to my question earlier if he had been sending them to my new address or not.. anyway and He said that he hasn't had time to write to me at all. It's so busy and crazy up there that... he hasn't been able to write any hand written letters! And honestly... My emotions went... ah;sdilhgiladjg;lkdhg haha because.. first off my hope for a letter coming any day went out the window. I was devastated that I had held onto this hope for a whole month and then.. just had to let it go. But... I also was relieved to know that there was a reason. and now I COULD let my hope go and instead of expecting a letter every day, when I do get one.. it'll be a marvelous surprise :) Is it hard? It's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. Like I said, I thought I was down at my hardest point, but then the world just showed that it can get harder. but what it's really shown me is that.. even though I won't get a letter while he's up there at all.. so it could be many many months... I'm still waiting for him. I still care... my love is deeper than a few weeks without letters.
So I think what I will do... is throw myself a pity part tonight.. then get over it. be strong. and continue to wait, cause what else would an MG do? We're strong and we wait for our men :)

Pieces of Home ^_^

My favorite people in these whole entire world.. besides Randy.. is his Family :) and they are here!!!! EEKS!  I took Tim (my bro) to EFY with a bunch of cousins and saw Shayla and Colby and I just... ah I felt a bit at home!! It's hard to see them and not have Randy there with them... since that's like the only time I do see them.. is when I go see Randy.. but it was still really great! Shayla and Colby both introduced me to people at the their EFY as their future sister in law hahaha aaah it was... it made me really happy.. not gonna lie... Shayla is pretty much the greatest girl I know! aaah anyway then after I departed from them, I went to West Haven and saw Mira, Lissa, Randy's Mom-Stacey and a bunch of Randy's cousins!! All of them are my favorite!!! Especially little Derrel :) ah I just played with them and talked to his mom and grandma and aaaah I loved it. I loooooved it!!! I wish I could have stayed up there all day.. but they invited me to go to the zoo on thursday but I have to work :( but!! I am going to have a picnic with them on friday!!! so I'm really really... really excited :) I love the Slys!!!! :)

Taco Maker/ Jakes life

Working at a fast food place was something I never in my entire life wanted to be seen doing. I put it down on the bottom of my work options... because I really put myself up on a ... pedalstool... (sp?) and thought I was too good for that! But sometimes you need to be humbled, okay you always need to be humbled and just do things even if you don't want to. I was running out of options and I needed money, so at the beginning of the summer I took this job! It really has been a life learning experience too! Dealing with people... is HUGE. You thought you knew someone who was picky with food... haha you're wrong. sorry! But I'm sure that I have met the pickiest food eaters ever. And the best part is... they're usually adults. However! Today I actually had a really great day at work!! My coworker and I got tipped, which let us both buy ourselves some lunch for once, the costumers were all very kind, and this one guy... haha so I was doing drive through and I said the typical, "Hi, welcome to Taco Maker, I can take your order when you're ready" and instead of the usual "I want", "Give me", "I need", or even the occasional, "Yes, I'd like..."
 I got a "Hello! and how are you today?"
Honestly I just stood there for a few seconds and was like whaaaa....? haha I actually asked him to repeat it, I'm like "what... did you say?"
"How are you today? Are you having a good day?"
"haha well yes! Actually I am having a good day"
"oh great!! So what's your favorite meal."
And we continued to have this very light and happy conversation! Usually I'm not the biggest fan of the chatters because I'm super busy and need to just get the order done, but today it was very slow so I was all up for chatting! He came up and had THE biggest smile on his face. Honestly.. after he left... I felt like I loved my job.
This isn't the first time a happy costumer has come and made my day, but they are rare. It really has made my job... all worth it. It's made me be able to get through the tough and rude costumers and keep smiling. It also just taught me how you never know if someone is having a rough day and really all it takes is a smile, a bit of respect, and patience. Things that we so quickly forget to do in our busy, selfish lives!! Although it's a fast food place-ghetto, cheap, not the best paying rate.... I do actually enjoy my job.

YSA: "You're Scarying All of us"

(fourth of july fun ^_^)

Okay so the title isn't quite as clever as I wanted it to be. But yes this post is about the dear YSA ward! This is kinda how my first encounter with the YSA ward went. They're very friendly and nice and really I do appreciate it... but honestly... I felt like all the guys were starving lions and I was a nice fresh and juicy steak that just got thrown into the middle of all of them. So the past month has been me trying to get rid of the ones that are just using me as a date excuse and to check off that he's talking to a girl for the week and the ones that will actually be my friend and talk to me! So it's been a rough and very awkward few weeks with them haha plus I want to be with my other friends, but hang with them too! I have too many friends in this world...but I think I finally hit the point where they all know I have a missionary so it isn't awkward with their obsessive flirting styles... and I can actually have fun and be myself around them! This one guy Ryan... haha he was a character. Yes I think he might have been a bit interested and I'll admit that I came up with a few excuses to not hang out with him. Because... I figured he was smart enough and nice enough to take a hint and back off. Which he did! and then he did even more so when I introduced him to Emily haha aaah I don't even know WHAT to think about those two.. but all I know is that I have guy friends and my missionary so it's all good :) Anyway the YSA really isn't that bad... it's just very different to hang out with these older guys! Kinda refreshing, but different.
Also, quick note. Emily is here for three weeks so I get to post funny pictures of us!!! :) We had a little mini girls night the first night she was here! So we talked about boys and did face masks, had treats... it was fun :) She's really keeping me entertained and busy, which is such a relief. Now I love every moment that I get alone instead of dread it!! I think these next few weeks will actually go buy pretty fast!!! EEEK! Here's to a fast month 4 :)

Trials just ain't what they used to be

I feel like the moment my best friend left for two years... trials and temptations just jumped on board and decided they needed to stick around for him. Really though since Randy has left I've had the hardest time with who finding myself, I sprained my ankle for the first time, I got really sick, I had a friend pass away, I've been lonelier than ever and have been tempted more than I think I ever have my entire life.. and this week my grandma passed away. And the real stumper? It's only been three months. -___- I have 21 more months of THIS?! These really are the most trying and difficult times of my life.. and I have to do it all without my Elder Sly. Well.. sort of :) See that's actually really the miracle of it all, that although he's thousands of miles away (which PS in this weeks he told me that he's getting transferred to an island up in Canada... which makes letters just about impossible...) I know that he's there for me always. I've felt his love, his prayers and his comfort along with my Saviors more than I ever had in my entire life. Yes it's the hardest time.. but it's almost the closest I've felt to everyone in my family. We all have a great understanding of this life and the next... and we know that it's okay! This isn't the end at all :) I love and miss my Grandma more than anything in this world.. but she's at peace and no longer suffering, and that is what makes it all worth it. This week I've reached for my phone multiple times to call Randy and have him comfort me... but then I remember that I can't! He probably doesn't even know or won't know until he gets my letter three or four or forever and a half weeks from now. It's hard.. but so incredibly worth it. I love Randy!!!!!!! I really truly do :)

-___________-

.... I hate the mailman's inconsistency.

And I thought Chess was hard...

A whole week later!! Amazing, right!? haha ah this week has been absolutely insane... and honestly this is the first time I've actually been happy all week! Rough week :/ see... Quick story about my week. Monday I applied for this job cause I needed money. Tuesday I had a job interview and got accepted. Wednesday I had job training in SLC, hated it. Thursday had job training in SLC, didn't mind it, then had Taco Maker work right after. Friday I had Taco Maker, then job training... cried all the way home. I was so messed up and confused on what I was supposed to do and the whole job just felt awful. I really got sick and stressed about it! It was this marketing company and really the program was great, the product was amazing and everything about it was too good to be true. I could make thousands of dollars easy. But I didn't want to sacrifice the people I loved... to trick them into buying this stuff! I just couldn't do it. So Friday night, I quit. and today I feel incredible :)
Really who knew that two years could be so hard? SO much happens in two years! I mean I feel like a whole different person just after this week. Also lately I've been kinda down and I've figured it's because I'm really in a kinda awkward spot right now. I'm between lives!! I'm kinda away from my old and comfortable life that I'm used to with high school, living at home, hanging with my friends whenever I want... but I'm not quite into my new life with a new ward, new friends and a new home. So I'm really in this nothingness gap that is quite uncomfortable and lonely to be in! and then on top of that, my grandma isn't doing so great. She's been sick with Cancer for a bit now but this week she's just gotten worse and worse... and with all this going on... I wish I had Randy to talk to! I really wanted to call him up SO many times this week... but I couldn't. and that's probably what made me cry the most, just the fact that I'm over here hurting and I can't talk to him. It's a learning and growing experience.. so I've really been trying to see the growing part of all this. And I think what I have gotten is... that no matter how lonely I feel, how abandoned and empty... and completely loss I think I am...I have always seen my Savior there for me. Really like on my down days I'll look... somewhere in my head haha and see if I have any friends there for me.. and try to figure out why I feel so alone.. and I always have this image of my Savior there. Standing there for me... with his arms out for me. It's such an incredible comfort to know that I will never ever be alone. I will always have my Savior. and then after I see that my Savior is there for me, I see that... Randy really is there for me. He's serving... but he's there for me. and then I get humbled and see all my family and friends and ah it's incredible. Life isn't so bad :) MAIL'S HERE!!!